I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
