My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
