yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
