wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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