my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
