I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
