she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The uberlube is also flammable
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
