and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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