are you still at the devil's house?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
