apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
