Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
