I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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