I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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