If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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