My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
