Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
