Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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