And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
