i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
