It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
