I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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