I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
