some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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