I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
