Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
