i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Threesome in a minivan. New low
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
