kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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