This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
