he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
