Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
