Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
