She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
