Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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