I need help removing her.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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