how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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