I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
