Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
