I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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