Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
