I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
