More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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