I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
