Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
