I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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