Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
