we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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