what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
