my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
