Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
