RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
