Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
