i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
