I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
