Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
