I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Edward fifth and chaser hands
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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