Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
